I've been thinking of this a lot lately for whatever reason. I'm with an amazing man now and I'm genuinely happy with said man, but the big break up of 2012 shaped me in a lot of ways. Here are the lessons I learned:
1. It changed my outlook on "the one". There is no "one" person for everyone. I thought he was my "one", so I put up with a lot of crap for way too long because I thought no one would ever love me again. Well, guess again.
2. It raised my standards. Like a lot.
3. It helped me realize I could survive a lot more than I thought I could.
4. It helped teach me that moving for love is actually a pretty horrible decision (for me, not for everyone).
5. It helped me realize that I am responsible for my own happiness.
6. Most importantly, it helped me realize that being single and happy is SO MUCH BETTER than being in a relationship and miserable.
I'm not proud of some of the decisions I made for my ex boyfriend. I'm not proud of the fact that I couldn't see how ridiculously unhappy I was. I'm not proud of the fact that because of him I missed out on a lot of opportunities. I'm not proud of the fact that I thought we were in a healthy relationship when in reality we definitely weren't. I'm not proud of settling for less than what I deserved.
That day, November 17, 2012, was one of the toughest days I've ever experienced. I felt like my entire world had crumbled around me. It wasn't, of course, but I felt such raw emotion that I was pretty sure my heart was ripped out of my chest and stomped on 5,000 times. I remember calling my mom the moment he left my house and I sobbed and sobbed and sobbed. She couldn't understand me because I was crying so hard. And it hurt like hell. I don't know if you ever truly "get over" your first love...I'm sure you never forget them. I got back into dating much sooner than I should have. I wish I hadn't, but whatever. Things happen for a reason right?
So how does this fit into my "Live Simply" mantra? Well, it took me longer than I care to admit to get over him. I was angry at him for a long time. A LONG time. I held onto a lot of emotional baggage from the break up. I blamed him for a lot of things. I saw him this past summer because we both work at a summer camp, which is where we met. And I was a jerk towards him the whole summer. I feel really bad about that now. I mean, he's not a total jerk, it is/was just easier hating him than dealing with all the emotion.
Well, when I drive to and from work on Thursdays I pass by a sign for a park. The park has the same name as his hometown. I kept on seeing that sign and it kept on reminding me of him on a weekly basis. It's dumb, I know, but it happened. Then recently I realized that I hadn't seen the sign for a good couple months. I had just driven past it without noticing. And that's when I realized I had let all the emotion go. It's not that I sit and think about him all day. I definitely don't. It was just that one time per week that I kept on thinking about him and I was getting annoyed by that. Letting go of unnecessary emotions is very freeing.
That day, November 17, 2012, was one of the toughest days I've ever experienced. I felt like my entire world had crumbled around me. It wasn't, of course, but I felt such raw emotion that I was pretty sure my heart was ripped out of my chest and stomped on 5,000 times. I remember calling my mom the moment he left my house and I sobbed and sobbed and sobbed. She couldn't understand me because I was crying so hard. And it hurt like hell. I don't know if you ever truly "get over" your first love...I'm sure you never forget them. I got back into dating much sooner than I should have. I wish I hadn't, but whatever. Things happen for a reason right?
So how does this fit into my "Live Simply" mantra? Well, it took me longer than I care to admit to get over him. I was angry at him for a long time. A LONG time. I held onto a lot of emotional baggage from the break up. I blamed him for a lot of things. I saw him this past summer because we both work at a summer camp, which is where we met. And I was a jerk towards him the whole summer. I feel really bad about that now. I mean, he's not a total jerk, it is/was just easier hating him than dealing with all the emotion.
Well, when I drive to and from work on Thursdays I pass by a sign for a park. The park has the same name as his hometown. I kept on seeing that sign and it kept on reminding me of him on a weekly basis. It's dumb, I know, but it happened. Then recently I realized that I hadn't seen the sign for a good couple months. I had just driven past it without noticing. And that's when I realized I had let all the emotion go. It's not that I sit and think about him all day. I definitely don't. It was just that one time per week that I kept on thinking about him and I was getting annoyed by that. Letting go of unnecessary emotions is very freeing.
I learned a lot through dating him and looking back, I'm so grateful that we did break up. At the time I saw it as back to square one when in reality it was never going to work, not in a million years. I wish I could go back and tell myself not to settle for anything less than what I deserve, but hindsight is always 20-20. Things happen for a reason, and looking back I'm grateful the break up happened when it did.
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